Boundary Builder
A boundary isn't a punishment. It's a description of what you can live with — written down before you're exhausted.
Theo asks for cash late at night
What I will do
Offer to buy groceries or pay a bill directly
What I will not do
Hand over cash, or transfer money after 9pm
If it's crossed
End the conversation calmly and revisit in the morning
I'm not giving cash. I will buy groceries or pay a bill directly. That's what's available.
I want to be clear about no money for cash requests. I will Offer to buy groceries or pay a bill directly. I won't Hand over cash, or transfer money after 9pm. If it's crossed, I'll End the conversation calmly and revisit in the morning. That isn't up for negotiation tonight.
Theo arrives home heavily intoxicated
What I will do
Make sure he's safe, then step back and go to my room
What I will not do
Argue, search his things, or discuss anything serious that night
If it's crossed
I stay at Dana's for the night
The answer is no, and I'm not discussing it again tonight. I'm going to hang up now and I'll call you tomorrow.
We've talked about this before, so I'll keep it short. I will Make sure he's safe, then step back and go to my room. I will not Argue, search his things, or discuss anything serious that night. If it happens again, I'll I stay at Dana's for the night. I'm not going to argue about it or explain it again.
Family meals
What I will do
Keep lunch about ordinary life — food, football, the garden
What I will not do
Use lunch to raise treatment or money
If it's crossed
I name it gently once, then change the subject
I love you and I want to help in a way that works for both of us. Right now I can't do money — but I can bring food over tomorrow.
I've been thinking about sunday lunch is protected. I love you, and I want to be honest about where I am: I can Keep lunch about ordinary life — food, football, the garden. What I can't do is Use lunch to raise treatment or money. If that happens, I'll I name it gently once, then change the subject — not to punish you, just so I can keep showing up.
How do you want to say it?
You'll get soft, direct, firm and emergency scripts for whatever you write.